What I Wore: 23/9 - 28/9 (week 6)

I'm starting to think that this exercise of recording down what I wore is rather futile. It's becoming quite pointless to me. It makes me feel like I'm putting too much thought into my attire, which is something I am trying to distance myself away from lately. Not sure if I should press on with it anyway. 

I've also come to the realization that my ankles are weirdly small in comparison to the rest of my body. I guess it's a good thing I don't have cankles, more imperfection on this already imperfect body. 

I'm already into my sixth week of working, and sometimes I think time passed really quickly, but I also feel like I've been working forever. If this is what it's like only six weeks into a temp job, I can't imagine what it would feel like when I finally have to hold a permanent job.

I feel like work is slowly going against my nature. I'm beginning to fidget about constantly at my desk and I'm always distracted by what activities I can do after work that can stimulate my mind. I'm expected to give an answer on Monday if I want to convert to a full time staff but I think I knew right from the start this was never going to be a permanent thing. My mind and soul feel stifled in this environment.

Everyone is asking me what job am I going to look for if I'm not going to stay on with my current job. I'm not so sure either. I'm scared I'll feel this way with any other job I get, and that the problem isn't with the job, it's me. 

Degenerate

I FEEL SO BORING AND DULL. 

I've been feeling this way for most of the month now and I don't know how to get out of this rut. It may be because I don't do much other than go to work and shop excessively on taobao, but I feel like my mind is degenerating into this mass of dullness. Literal grey matter. 

Is it because my job is largely uninspiring and I am simply a corporate serf with no thoughts or opinions, 7.5 hours a day, 5 days a week? Or is it because my life is so uneventful that I've succumbed to being one of the many soulless drones that mill in and out of public transport during peak hours? 

So upset and I don't know what to do about it. 

I was never a creative person to begin with, so I never had any interesting hobbies. However, I remember a time when I used to write and write and write. All I did was write about my emotions and thoughts, no matter how silly they were. I wrote lengthy paragraphs of what I felt, how I thought about the world around me and how I related to it. Song lyrics were more than just words that accompanied a tune. Song lyrics were meant to be dissected, sentence by sentence, and every lyric that I related to provided much comfort and solace. I would either copy the lyrics and make them into posts, bold the lines that were most relevant to me, or I would find a way to write them into a post. Everything made me feel so much. Songs are now simply 3-5 minute distractions that I fill my head with on the way to and from work. Feelings and emotion are things I try to bury within me because they are messy and inconvenient. 

I feel like my life is trapped in a state of limbo. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad either. Life isn't good, but it isn't bad. There is nothing much for me to feel for; I am not passionate about my work, or a person, or a cause, or anything in particular. I'm not quite sure if this was a result of my own hands or of time and environment. 

I used to feel angry at the state of how my life was here, but I think I've submitted myself to the 60% probability (don't ask me how I came up with that math) that I am going to be stuck in this country for the rest of my life. From wanting so badly to get out of here, I've slowly brainwashed myself into thinking, "Eh, it might not be so bad."

When did I become so placid?

What I Wore: 16/9 - 21/9 (week 5)

So much for not wanting to OT, the latest I left was at 10pm this week :/ Had to go in early most days as well, so it was mostly lazy dressing for the week. I also had to go in on Saturday :( 

See what I mean when I said I'm so boring and dull now? Hahaha.

Blah

I feel like I'm becoming rather dull and dimwitted. I try and form sentences and phrases to get across messages I feel strongly about but they all come out weak and pathetic, and my paragraphs seem like headless chickens running about chaotically.

I hate it. 

What I Wore: 9/9 - 13/9 (week 4)

Another week of uninspired outfits hahaha. I just can't seem to think of what to wear lately, and workload is starting to get heavier so I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what to wear. No photos of shoes too because I'm OT-ing almost everyday now and I used to take them after work while waiting for the bus, but since I'm OT-ing I either forget or there's no sunlight anymore. 

Sent Jillian off to the UK on Monday. Alison will be back at the end of this year, and Gladys will be going off to Shanghai for four months in February. When will it be my turn *sob* I just feel like my life is so boring and blah and I'm just ageing but I'm not living or doing anything important :/

Margaret Howell Autumn Winter 2013

Images: Margaret Howell (source)

What I Wore: 2/9 - 6/9 (week 3)

This week's outfits were all so uninspired and boring haha. Two outfits don't have accompanying shoe photos because I forgot to take them. On Monday, the sole of my shoes split so I had to use rubber bands to keep my shoe intact till I got home. On Thursday I overslept, hence the spectacles. It was coincidentally one of the shittiest days I've ever had at work. So anyway, whatever, hopefully next week will be a better week. 

What I Wore: 26/8 - 31/8 (week 2)

Hola! As you can see, I've figured out the problem of 1. the amount of photos being odd, 2. why my photos were LQ. I decided to snap individual photos of my shoes along with my outfit, because sometimes I'm not wearing shoes in the main photo/they can't be seen clearly. In Tuesday's outfit I didn't snap a photo of my shoes because I wore the same shoes from Monday. So I took a photo of my necklace. It's like I didn't even try, hahaha. I will figure out something else again. Yep, a lot of thought went into something so pointless hahaha.

Another thing, my photos weren't LQ, it's just that my mirror was exceptionally dirty LOL I'm sorry for being so gross. 

I took leave on Friday and a four-day work week felt so grrrreeeatttt! The week went by like a breeze. I went back to NYP on Friday with Kuen Kuen to have lok lok dip and tomyam ban mian lmao I'm pretty sure the teachers who recognized us all think we're losers. 

Today (yesterday?) I went to the SEA Aquarium! I took some photos so I'll blog about it later, but knowing me, later might mean a few months later hahahaha. 

I got assigned a project at work and according to my colleagues it's a rather big project omg please no OT for me I don't want extra money I want to go home (; A ;)