Degenerate

I FEEL SO BORING AND DULL. 

I've been feeling this way for most of the month now and I don't know how to get out of this rut. It may be because I don't do much other than go to work and shop excessively on taobao, but I feel like my mind is degenerating into this mass of dullness. Literal grey matter. 

Is it because my job is largely uninspiring and I am simply a corporate serf with no thoughts or opinions, 7.5 hours a day, 5 days a week? Or is it because my life is so uneventful that I've succumbed to being one of the many soulless drones that mill in and out of public transport during peak hours? 

So upset and I don't know what to do about it. 

I was never a creative person to begin with, so I never had any interesting hobbies. However, I remember a time when I used to write and write and write. All I did was write about my emotions and thoughts, no matter how silly they were. I wrote lengthy paragraphs of what I felt, how I thought about the world around me and how I related to it. Song lyrics were more than just words that accompanied a tune. Song lyrics were meant to be dissected, sentence by sentence, and every lyric that I related to provided much comfort and solace. I would either copy the lyrics and make them into posts, bold the lines that were most relevant to me, or I would find a way to write them into a post. Everything made me feel so much. Songs are now simply 3-5 minute distractions that I fill my head with on the way to and from work. Feelings and emotion are things I try to bury within me because they are messy and inconvenient. 

I feel like my life is trapped in a state of limbo. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad either. Life isn't good, but it isn't bad. There is nothing much for me to feel for; I am not passionate about my work, or a person, or a cause, or anything in particular. I'm not quite sure if this was a result of my own hands or of time and environment. 

I used to feel angry at the state of how my life was here, but I think I've submitted myself to the 60% probability (don't ask me how I came up with that math) that I am going to be stuck in this country for the rest of my life. From wanting so badly to get out of here, I've slowly brainwashed myself into thinking, "Eh, it might not be so bad."

When did I become so placid?