I don't know why posts from The Big Bang Theory's facebook page still shows up on my timeline but today I saw a post with the caption 'Some things may change but she'll always be the girl who stole Leonard's heart.'

Which made me think about how there are people who can never get over certain loves in their lives but end up with other people later on.

I haven't met a person that I couldn't get over yet, so I guess I don't understand how it's fair to the subsequent lovers who end up being unable to match up to this Great Love. I haven't been on both sides of the coin, so there's a lot of things I don't get.

On one side of the coin, I can't fathom loving someone who will always have a part of their heart that's kept away for someone, always secretly and steadfastly holding on to the memory of a love that I wasn't a part of. It just seems so painful and so unfair because there's nothing I can do about it, and it's not any of my fault. Yet at the same time I think I would question myself, question what am I so lacking in that despite giving and loving so wholeheartedly, my partner still can't forget a person who isn't in their life anymore.

And on the other side of the coin, what if I had met the best person for me but due to circumstances we just had to part? Does it mean that I, or anyone for that matter, don't deserve to receive and give love anymore? Perhaps I would feel guilty and burdened, that I was being unfair to my new partner, asking for love when I can't even give myself fully to them.

Or would it be the case that, despite knowing that my partner can't forget someone, I still want to love them because that is what love is??

I don't know love. It seems so complicated.

How can you give your heart wholly to someone, knowing that one day they could just decide they didn't want it anymore? How can you place yourself in the position where you're always at risk that one day you might get hurt so badly you may never recover from it? How can you want to meet someone whom you will think you fit together so perfectly with, only to one day have your perfect piece want to rip itself apart from you?

To me, love, more than ever before, seems so fragile and capricious and I don't think I'll ever be ready for it.